Thanks for commenting, please come back soon! It shouldn't be immediately obvious, but she needs to show me her weak side for me to even consider her for a LTR. Girls can date around as much as guys can, but it hits a primitive trigger in a man's mind that tells him that girl isn't LTR material.
We can argue all day about double standards, but at the end of the day, men will still judge women by this. My recent post Puja — Dana Pt.
Hmmm, re 2, I hear that, it makes sense. But do you want to see the vulnerability up front, or after a bit? Like she's tough to start, but then you get in there and work your magic and suddenly there's a glimmer of vulnerability? VI, haha I just spent time on your blog where you proudly describe hearing a girl say she wants sex in a monogamous relationship, then you bang her without making a commitment. Fair enough, that's on her.
But come on, that girl is crazy to be doing that, especially since you have a couple of booty calls going on the side at all times. That girl should say NO. And she should be prepared to walk. Because, as it stands right now, you are a terrible risk for a LTR. A girl definitely shouldn't be tough during our first meeting.
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That's a huge red flag that she's either too manly, or has been hurt too many times. She should be confident without being tough. Julia Roberts is a good example. As for her vulnerability, you're right, it should come a bit later. But if it hasn't been revealed either before or immediately after I have sex with a girl, I assume she's not LTR material.
I actually like that girl a lot and would consider making her 1, but the fact that she plays games is a huge strike against her. In her case, she should have shown me her vulnerability earlier and let me know that she was enthusiastic about us.
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Fair enough, but don't be too hard on her for game playing. We're striking out in all directions, trying to find a way to stay afloat. And you can bet she is getting absolutely terrible advice from her friends.
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If you give her some indication of your real feelings, my guess is that she will chill. I am not saying that this is bad advice, just a little context from a male perspective is required. Nothing will make a worthwhile man turn off faster.
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This point is completely wrong. If a woman I am dating goes out with another man I will assume she is not interested and its over. I also believe that this percentage will be heavily skewed towards the men you think are worth marrying. Nearly every worthwhile man has been wasted months of his life chasing a woman who used his sexual interest to extract money and favours. Otherwise I will assume that she has no sexual interest and is just stringing him along. It sounds like you are not into playing any games whatsoever, and I give you a lot of credit for that.
Re 5, this is a tough one, because men and women have different goals. Women want men to commit before sex, and men want sex before committing. I guess I feel that if a guy does not want to be exclusive, the woman should take him at his word and keep her options open. I agree that the last thing a woman should do is make a man feel insecure when she is hoping for a relationship. Re 7, I agree. So I hear you — a woman should be sexual for one man. This is the balance that is so tricky to find. A woman should not even consider being sexually loyal to a man who shows signs red flags of playing the field.
Susan, Your advice is fantastic and makes me feel better. My only concern is when you say guys like wholesome. Maybe it would be better to say to dress for yourself and not just for a guy? I just dislike being told that men like only wholesome girls when I like wearing winged eyeliner and feel very uncomfortable in GAP clothing.
It makes me feel, and probably other girls like me, like I barely got a shot. Having a style of your own is awesome — I love the vintage look! By all means, go for the eyeliner and leave the baggy Gap clothing! Amy How do you feel about sex-positive feminism encouraging women to totally objectify themselves? Why would you not expect scientific rigor from a business person? Have you no respect for economists? As a strategic analyst, I had to provide evidence to back up my conclusions — clients paying a million bucks a year for consulting services prefer it.
I had to learn that the hard way. I thought i was a big enough girl to handle that but im not. These suggestions are all good advice. Having a positive attitude is very invaluable but probably the most difficult when your experiences all point to more confusion. Sometimes however i get a little lonely and would find it refreshing to be able have a little intimacy with protection with someone on a regular basis without it leading to total committment.
I mean, if he wanted to see other women, it would be fine with me because im a busy person and not quite sure how or when i will be ready to dive back in to marriage. But dont broadcast it to me. Before you even say a word to him, signal your interest with subtle, non-verbal clues using your body language. According to Love Signals: According to Fanelli, similarity to a person is another important factor in attraction. We like people who are similar to ourselves. If he moves from slouching to sitting up straight, a few seconds later do the same. To use mimicking, take a sip of your drink when he does, copy the way his hands are resting on the table, or pick up on his words or phrases and repeat them later in the conversation.
Remember the timing aspect as well: If he likes hockey, watch a game with him at least once or twice.
See him twice, and you smile at each other. This is the basic idea behind the attraction theory of proximity. The study found that students liked better those who were near them physically closer on floors, or had rooms nearby. Dormcest ring a bell? Similarity may also play a role here. This also means, if you hit it off one night, make sure to let him know you want to hang out again, since, now we know! Revealing things about who you are can help raise your attractiveness.
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It creates a closeness to that person, and lets him feel closer to you. These deeper levels may be telling him your goals in life or what makes you who you are. If you're wanting to take things to the next level and you're sitting next to each other and keep exploring each other's bodies, then you should try moving even closer to the guy to sit on his lap. You can sit with both legs hanging to one side of his lap, or even straddle him, if you're feeling bolder.
Just remember that this is a pretty sexy position and will lead him to want something more. You can keep your arms wrapped around his neck or touch his chest when you do this. Teasing a guy, if done the right way, will get him even more excited about hooking up. If you want to tease him, then give him a long, passionate kiss, and just when you feel like things are getting really hot and heavy, pull away for a few seconds and stare into his eyes.
Then, lean in to kiss him again.
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Just those few seconds of deprivation will remind him how much he wants you and how good you make him feel. This move should be tried sparingly, of course. You want to be playful not an actual tease. Whisper in his ear. Whispering something sexy in the guy's ear will not only excite him just from having your hot breath on his sensitive earlobe, but also from hearing what you have to say.
It doesn't have to be anything ground breaking: This should also be done sparingly. As you spend more time together, you'll have a better sense of the guy's hookup style. Maybe he likes to take breaks to talk a little or to whisper into each other's ears, or maybe he's more into just hooking up. Play with his hair. A guy's scalp is another sensitive part of his body, so don't underestimate how much he'll like having his hair touched.
Gently touch the top of his head with your fingers, or run your fingers through his hair, either moving from the top of his head to the bottom, or the reverse. The area just above the back of his neck is especially sensitive. You should do this while you're kissing, if you have the coordination. Suck on his finger. This is only for advanced hookup artists. If things are getting really sexy, pull his index finger in your mouth, suck it up and down, and make eye contact with the guy while you're doing this.
Just know that this is a very suggestive move, and you probably shouldn't try it unless you want to take things to the next level. Explore each other's bodies.