I was in college and ran into an old high school friend during break. Date ended right after she started talking about her kid that I didn't know she had. I'm barely mature enough to take care of myself, let alone someone else's kid. Where does this weird assumption come from that just because you are dating someone you need to take care of their children?
If it becomes serious, you're going to have to be involved. Lots of people play for keeps, not just to smash genitals occasionally. Don't see why, my parent had a 10 year long SO from my being 10 to 20 or something and he never had to take care of me. He contributed no money to the household even, he just lived off the mom and child's dime while not helping in any capacity? I find that very difficult to believe, unless he never moved in with you and your mother never had money trouble. No my parent didn't give him any money; he lived a 30 minute drive away; he just visited frequently.
You and I come from different worlds that you make the assumption that he A lived in the same house and B didn't bring any money into it just because he didn't take care of me in any way. I said he almost certainly did bring in money regardless of living with you. Helping financially is helping care for you, even if he wasn't a stepfather. I think the assumption was that "10 year SO" meant that there was some cohabitation involved, which often leads to mingling finances.
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And that's the weird assumptions I'm talking about that "some cultures read: You must always cohabitate, you must always eventually get married, you must always get children, you must always sleep in the same bed and if those things don't happen someone something failed. If it turns serious you'll end up taking care of the kid. It might not turn serious of course but while it's not turning serious with one person it could be turning serious someone else.
That's just one reason, there are others. It's a fact of life that having kids goes heavily in the negative column when you're dating. I was never big on kids going into it, but we worked together, had a lot of chemistry and saw each other a lot. And well, I was lonely. Some of the happiest memories of my life are with her. Her going with me to comic con and not judging me. Me taking her to her first concert. Staying in bed all day and fucking each other senseless. Some of the saddest too.
The worst was my birthday in Sitter flaked last second, all plans canceled. I went to her place, sat on the couch and stared at my phone all day while all her energy was focused on her son. By the time night came and he feel asleep she passed out soon after. All I wanted was to be alone with the woman I loved and I realized I would always be her second priority.
Even if she wanted too, she could never make me her first priority. Not for one day a year. We broke up last year. That part of my life has hugely impacted and will forever be a lasting part of me. I know now beyond a shadow of a doubt kids aren't for me, be they yours or mine. My vasectomy is next month - I'm Dating has been hard as hell. Almost everyone in my age group seems to want to get settled down and pop out kids or all ready has them.
But I don't regret my choice. I may not have reached the heights of happiness I once briefly had yet but I've not come close to the vallies of misery either. Have a buddy who recently broke up with his single-mom girlfriend. Similar reasons- it wasn't anything bad, but she just had two many other things to focus on besides him. That's the 2 reason I won't date single moms.
I am turning 25 this summer. I dont want kids. There are plenty of women who want a man who does not want kids.
That has not been my experience. There are plenty of 20 years olds who don't want children, not very many 30 year olds. Maybe they're all taken. Did that twice on okcupid. Was interesting and while I respect single moms I'm the child of a single mom both of the ones I went with left me a little skeptic. One specifically just wanted to hook up, which is fine, I don't mind. I'd come by her street and get her, she apparently left her kid with dad they weren't "together" anymore and she lived at her moms and we'd go to my place.
Was fun but one time, we were getting it on and I was about to stick it in and I didn't have any condoms left, so I told her no I'd rather not lets just touch and stuff, and she kept insisting I stick it in her. I pushed against it and we didn't but after that she didn't want to see me again, even though we'd done it before with protection. I just didn't have any that time my fault I know but regardless it was still weird but I guess she just really wanted the dick.
What weirded me out more was the fact that she was so adamant on me just going in raw knowing she wasn't on birth control of any kind. I kinda just wanted to be like, what the fuck are you doing, she already had a kid that I was sure wasn't planned I was 23 so was she but her and the father were never married and while I don't judge it just seemed a bit unwise to me. Mmm yeah, between and I hooked up with a couple dozen women through OKC and tinder hook up entails at least oral sex or more.
But I was always extremely safe. Always used condoms, never compromised on that, got checked every 6 months.
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Never any STD's or issues. I still keep up my checks at my doc when I get my physical. But there were a tiny handful of times the women would be a little risky in what they were asking for.
If you're a man-whore, one of the things you learn very quickly is that if a woman really wants sex, there is no obstacle. Pretty scary if you ask me. There was one time where I met this mid 30's british lady who was in LA, we were talking on OKC and she started sending me lewd pics a day after we talked, was cautious but hey what are ya gonna do, clearly just wanted to hook up, I took a big risk but we grabbed coffee real quick and went back to her house.
She was a little tipsy when I picked her up anyways so she started stripping when I got there and was into being a sub so even though im not super into that type of role play I tried to get into it, was fun but after we were naked about to smash she told me that I should know she has HPV and I know that guys don't usually have to worry about that but you can pass that to girls easy and that made me really skiddish all of a sudden. I ended up just letting her suck me and left, it was a little awkward because she was like ready to bang but I wasn't about to take a risk like that, even with protection.
I told her later and she said it was fine and apologized for not telling me sooner but that was one of the last times I hooked up like that. Went on a couple of dates with a girl. She told me she had a kid.
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Did not go on any more dates with that girl. There's actual statistics showing that the population of single mothers is Increasing a lot in America. This is the age to be in school, travel, plan out your career, etc. But instead, girls are just getting knocked up from deadbeat dudes. It's baffling to me.
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Dating sites have so many of them too now. Women's rights and the feminist movement happened that's why. Hold on now, let me explain before you guys jump down my throat. Back in the day women had to stay with the dumb asshole that knocked them up because they couldn't weren't supposed to is more accurate, they could work but back then that was what men did work and were dependent on men.
Now that women can work, they don't have to stay with the guy anymore and do their own thing.
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Another thing and I'm not sure if this is bs or not but apparently that the government has effectively replaced men for single mothers. Even if they can't support themselves or their kids the government will help them so there's not a lot need to stay with the guy anymore. Dude, there are a lot of single moms that haven't even finished school or started their careers yet demographic , so the whole "women can work now" thing doesn't even apply to them.
Yeah, if a lawyer or doctor or something wanted a child without the man, I'd get it. Then read the second part of what I said. Even if they can't fully support themselves, the government helps them out so they don't need to stick with the father. Then of course there's also child support where the father has to pay for the child even if he's not with the mother. So even if they hate each other's guts, the father can't just bail out on the kid. This is such a fucked up situation for EVERYONE involved, all because the guy can't figure out to put a rubber on, or because the girls too stupid to make sure she takes her pill everyday or patch or whatever method she uses.
And who gets screwed?
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The mom, because her career plans are now gone. The dad, cause now he has to pay for the kid and deal with a woman he doesn't even care about. Tax payers, for the reasons you mentioned. The child itself, having to be brought up in a broken home.