Dating a transgendered person

Ask your date what they do for fun, what their hopes and dreams are, and what they do for work. Communicate extra before you engage in physical intimacy. If you are about to engage in sexual activity of any sort, ask your date to talk with you about what's about to happen. Your date may have particular ways they prefer to be touched.

You may have questions about how to touch them.

1) Before You Start, Educate Yourself With the Basics

If there's anything you aren't sure about, just ask. Some people, including trans people, dislike touch on certain areas of their bodies, such as the back, chest, or crotch. Ask them what language they want you to use about their body.

Trans Activist Jazz Jennings' Message for Straight Guys - Glamour

Your date may be comfortable in their body, but uncomfortable using certain words for it. For instance, a trans man might like it when you touch his chest, so long as you say "pecs" instead of "breasts. Apologize and move on if you make a mistake. If you slip up and say the wrong pronoun, if you ask a question that offends your date, or if you make any other small mistake, just correct yourself and apologize. Don't agonize over it!

Dating a Transgender Person: How is it Different?

If you keep apologizing and bringing it up, you'll embarrass your date and make them feel like they need to comfort you. For instance, if your date is a trans man and you call him a "girl" by accident, say "guy, I mean. Some people would prefer an apology, but others would rather you drop it.

If your date is truly upset, accept it. Sometimes we hurt people even when we mean well. Let your date have whatever space they ask for. Don't compliment them on their gender presentation. When a transgender person looks cisgender, this is referred to as "passing. Complimenting your date in this way will make them feel like you are focusing too much on their gender. If you're a cisgender woman on a date with a transgender woman, a comment like "Wow, you are so much better at makeup than I am" is likely to come off as condescending.

This doesn't mean you can't compliment your date on their looks or their style! Just do so without comparing them to cis people. Everyone likes being told, "You look amazing in that new jacket!

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You're such a sharp dresser! Wait to discuss topics that are too personal. As with any other date, you should be sensitive about what kinds of questions you ask. Don't ask questions that are inappropriate early in a relationship. If you are curious about your date's body, transition, or sexual history, wait for your date to bring it up.

If they want to discuss it, they'll bring it up. While some trans people are comfortable discussing these topics with friends, most will not want to discuss them with a new acquaintance.

Avoid asking about their pre-transition life unless they bring it up. You may be curious about what your date used to look like, and what their life was like before they transitioned. However, asking this can make your date feel like you are only interested in them because of their transition. It can also bring up a lot of painful memories for some people.

Using a trans person's former name is called "deadnaming," and it can be very hurtful. If you knew your date before they transitioned, be sensitive about what parts of your shared history you bring up. Talk about things you did together that were not gender-determined. Remember that your date does not need you to reassure them.

Avoid the temptation to tell your date you are "okay" with them being transgender or that you think it's admirable or "cool. Telling them you are "okay" with it sounds like you are asking them to thank you for respecting them. Your date does not want you to randomly tell them that you "don't think of them as trans. There's nothing shameful about it. Identify your date clearly when you introduce them.

Communicate your date's name and gender when you introduce them. This will lower the chance that someone will use the wrong words to describe them.


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For instance, if you have a trans girlfriend, introduce her by saying, "This is my girlfriend, Amaranth. Thanks to testosterone and chest surgery, the rest of my body is now so 'male' — I have a flat chest, I'm really hairy, I have facial hair, more muscle mass, and then there's this one vital area that hasn't caught up yet.

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India Willoughby: Is it discriminatory to refuse to date a trans woman? - BBC News

For Laura, Oli turning down sex was initially really difficult. We did get better at communicating about it eventually, after a couple of sob-fests from me,' she says.


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  • But sex isn't the most difficult part of being with a trans guy; for Laura, it's been other people's reactions. Early on in the relationship, she faced ignorant and intrusive questions from friends, relatives, and even acquaintances, wanting to know 'so are you a lesbian now? Despite the ongoing wait for lower surgery, Oli's chest surgery last year was a major bonding period for them as a couple.

    It's absolutely wonderful to have her fall asleep on my chest,' he says. Unless your date is also looking to objectify you and they have no interest in anything deeper, try to get to know them and learn more about them. This will also help prepare you for the next trans person that you get together with.

    So be ready for the social consequences. Depending on where you live, these may be minimal. In such a case, who cares? Let them think that. Being attracted to a trans person is just part of who you are; have the courage to honor that part of yourself. However, in some cultures around the world, the consequences could be more severe. You may think that by telling them how wonderful you think their body is, they might decide to forgo surgery altogether.

    Rarely does it work out this way, though. As I already mentioned, most trans people have body dysphoria, which means that most of them will seek to change their bodies one way or another. Transgender people are just people. Keep that in mind, treat them with compassion as you would anyone else, and you should be fine! Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. HubPages and Hubbers authors may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.

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    The Unique Complications Of Dating A Trans Guy

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: How to Date a Transgender Person: Dating a Transgender Person: How is it Different? Dating a transgender person is just like dating anyone else. There are a handful of things that are nearly universal among trans people, though, and you should probably familiarize yourself with these tips before you jump into the dating pool: Try to focus on resources that are objective and not politically charged one way or another.

    Yes, and I'm currently dating a trans person, actually.